Mandarin Orange Salad

One of the Thanksgiving side dish mainstays in Mama Lanette’s family of freaks is a Mandarin orange salad.  It is a yearly request, nay, demand by both Alyssa JoJo and Grandma JoyJoy.  I am NOT allowed to experiment with anything new…ever.  Alyssa JoJo would not touch this when she was growing up, and one year she decided to “try it” (as she said with her freckled nose all scrunched up).  Her post-taste thoughts?  “I’m only mad that I went so many years NOT eating this!”  While the combination of fruit mixed with vegetables sounds odd to many people, it seems to be much more common on restaurant menus now than in the past (spinach and strawberry salad is my personal fave, but arugula with cherries and pistachios is a pretty close runner up).  Almost everybody who tries this salad loves it, and because of the “tiny oranges”, children are more apt to give it a shot.  I’ve altered this a bit from the original; using red onion and flavored vinegar rather than green onions and plain vinegar, but the end result, no matter which version is made, is delicious.  Oh, and I also use green leaf rather than iceberg lettuce (see lettuce rant below).

Lettuce Rant!  I cannot post this in good faith without including a small rant regarding iceberg lettuce.  Iceberg lettuce has zero nutritional value, as well as zero taste.  It is nothing but water and turns rusty brown within minutes of chopping.  It serves no purpose whatsoever as far as I am concerned.  Stop buying that crap, freaks!!!  Get yourself some green leaf or romaine.  Buy a bag of mixed baby lettuces.  Anything, anything other than iceberg lettuce!  When I go to a restaurant and order a salad and they bring it to me with iceberg, I literally want to throw it at the server.  These days, before ordering, I ask what kind of lettuce they use.  Yes, it results in some odd looks, but I just don’t care anymore.   The SOB would be more than a little irked if he had to pick Mama Lanette up at the po-po station because of a lettuce-induced public fiasco.  Also, seriously people?  Stop being a salad racist!  In the words of the wise and hysterical Margaret Cho, “This is not the salad of my people.”  Just because it has Mandarin oranges on it does NOT mean you can call it an Asian salad.  Do we call a hunk of tasteless iceberg lettuce drowned in Ranch dressing and Bac-O’s a Caucasian salad?  I think not.  Leave the salads out of the compartmentalizing process that seems to be the norm, and just eat them.  They are delicious and good for you…enough said.

Mandarin Orange Salad Ingredients

Sugared Almonds

½ cup sliced almonds

3 tablespoons white sugar

Salad Base

½ head green leaf lettuce

½ head romaine

1 cup celery, chopped

½ small red onion, very thinly sliced into half rings

1 11 ounce can mandarin oranges, drained (If I know a lot of kids will be around, I put two cans of mandarin oranges in.  It keeps them from picking all the oranges out, leaving none for the serious salad eaters.)

 

Dressing

½ teaspoon salt

Dash of black pepper

¼ cup extra virgin olive oil

1 tablespoon parsley, chopped

2 tablespoons white sugar

2 tablespoons vinegar, for this post, I used Raspberry blush vinegar, but red wine, balsamic, pomegranate, apple cider, virtually any kind of vinegar will work…just use what you have or what you like, and you will not be disappointed.

Dash of hot sauce (such as Tabasco), or not.  I’ve found it really doesn’t make a difference in the flavor of the dressing.

In a small pan over medium heat, cook almonds and sugar, stirring constantly until almonds are coated and sugar dissolved.  Watch carefully, as they WILL burn easily.   Listen up, freaks, I know this from personal experience and am trying to spare you the frustration of a failed sugared almond experience.  You can stand there and stir and stir and stir, it will look like it is doing nothing, and as soon as you turn your back to throw back a slug of Riesling, bam…burnt nuts!  If this part of the recipe seems like too much work for you, you can purchase honeyed almonds, or just use plain sliced almonds.  No shame included…I’ve done it myself upon occasion.  Cool and store nuts in an airtight container. 

Mix all dressing ingredients and chill.  For me, the easiest way to blend dressing is to place all ingredients in a jar or plastic storage container that has a screw top lid.  Once all ingredients are added, shake, shake, shake, shake it like a Polaroid picture, hey ya!  (I really miss Outkast, what happened to them?) It will separate, as oil and vinegar naturally will, but you know what?  Shake that bitch up again!  That is the beauty of the process, no whisk or special emulsifier needed…just an old jelly jar or screw top plastic storage container (the Ziploc brand are rather spectacular for preventing leaks, I must say).

Mix lettuces, celery and onions in a large salad bowl.  Now, regarding the lettuce…if you want to use only romaine, then do so.  If you want to use only green leaf, then do so.  Use any lettuce and any combination of lettuce that is easiest for you…except for iceberg.  Please don’t make me come over and go Reservoir Dogs on your ass.

Just before serving, top with oranges and almonds.  Toss with dressing.  Sit back and watch the wondrous splendor that flits over your guest’s faces after they have chewed and tasted their very first bite.  As an aside, if you serve this salad to a large group of peeps, some of whom have had it before, and some of whom have never had it before, let the never hadders get their servings first.  I’ve found that once it is set out for eating, the Mandarin orange salad lovers swoop over it like birds of prey over roadkill, leaving nothing but a lone shred of lettuce and perhaps an onion slice in the bowl. 

Stay tuned over the weekend and early next week, fellow freaks!  Alyssa JoJo and I have a plethora of last minute ideas for you!  <3  Mama Lanette

Green Bean Casserole

Green Bean Casserole has got to be by far my favorite holiday dish. Something that I love so much that it's made for every holiday and there's always a comment about how it's, " Alyssa's fav." A couple of years ago I started being the person who made it everything Thanksgiving. It was easy and cheap to make for my low budget. Slowly I started playing around with it and I feel like I perfected it! I could eat this every day if it wasn't for the fact that I think my thighs would gain an inch every week.

Ingredients:
3 cups of fresh green beans
One tablespoon of soy sauce
1 can of cream of mushroom
One container of french onion crisps
Half of a cup of chopped mushrooms
One cup of milk
Salt and Pepper to taste

Mix cream of mushroom, soy sauce, mushrooms, milk, and 1 cup of french onion crisps into a casserole dish. Mix until nice and smooth. Add salt and pepper to taste and mix well again.

Add in green beans and cook at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes covered. Do not add any onion crisps to the top at this point.







After 30 minutes has passed take casserole out of the oven and smother the top with the rest of the onion crisps. Bake for another 10-20 minutes uncovered. Make sure to check often so you do not burn the top of the casserole.

Enjoy!!!
- AlyssaJoJo

Beloved Brussels

I am a lover of the Brussels sprout!  There, I’ve said it!  When I am wandering the local farmer’s market in the late summer/early fall and see those little babies for sale (still attached to their stalk in many cases), I literally squeal in delight.  They are an extremely underrated and unnecessarily disliked vegetable, and I think it is due from past generations of mothers over boiling them into an avocado-green colored mush.  Perhaps this was so they matched the 70’s avocado-colored kitchen appliances so popular at the time, as I remember many veggies being served with the same unappealing greenish hue when I was a child (broccoli and green beans included).  The accompanying smell of an overcooked Brussels sprout is not very appealing, nor appetizing.  To be quite honest, it smells like ass.  However, a properly cooked Brussels sprout tastes and smells nothing like its overly cooked counterpart.  If you like cabbage or asparagus, you will like roasted Brussels sprouts.  I would promise this, but I know many of you have preconceived hatred toward them and swear you will not like them no matter what…so be it.  My sister and I actually used to call them baby cabbages when we were little, and that is how I got Alyssa JoJo to eat them when she was a tot.  Really, putting the word “baby” in front of anything implies something special is about to come, don’t you think? 

Anyway, Brussels sprouts have become a repeat Thanksgiving dinner side dish over the past few years with me and mine.  Some people eat them, some don’t, but they are always available.

If you think Brussels sprouts may be something the diners at your Thanksgiving table will appreciate, please try this recipe!  It is incredibly simple.  If you don’t have the oven space, you can prepare them in a skillet instead of roasting in the oven.  I have even made them on the grill with positive results.  The squeeze of fresh lemon juice and sprinkling of parmesan really complements the sprouts and pulls all the flavors together. 

Ingredients:

1 pound fresh Brussels sprouts, cleaned and halved

1 shallot, sliced

2 tablespoons olive oil

1 lemon

¼ to ½ cup Parmesan cheese, shredded

Salt

Pepper

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.  In a large bowl, toss Brussels sprouts, shallot slices, olive oil, salt and pepper to taste.  Spread on a baking sheet and roast for approximately 30 minutes, until Brussels sprouts are browned and starting to get crispy.  You can cook them longer if you want, as the crispier they are, the more flavorful they become, but be careful not to burn them.

Remove from oven and transfer to a serving dish.  Squeeze lemon juice over sprouts and top with parmesan cheese.  Serve immediately.  Yummy!!

Tip:  If you don’t have a shallot or know what one is, you can use a small white onion, but the shallot is well worth the effort.  They brown up nice and crispy and have a spectacularly mild flavor that compliments the sprouts.  I highly recommend them, although they can be a bit pricy in some areas, so if you use a nice sweet onion, it will work also.

Next week, fellow freaks!  <3 Mama Lanette

Fabulous Reheat!

Just a brief note to my fellow freaks...  Tonight I am having one of those moments of fabulousness that comes from grabbing a frozen tuna hotdish from the freezer and popping it into the oven for dinner.  Ah yes...see what I mean?  I had no desire to cook dinner this evening, as I have a lot of schoolwork to complete, and am very tired and cold, but instead of eating sandwiches or ordering delivery food, I was able to provide the household with a warm, homemade meal, simply heated in the oven and served with a salad and some rolls.  They'll never know ;-)

Now, doesn't this look better than some mystery meat fast food Chinese delivery???

Later, Freaks!  <3 Mama Lanette

Thanksgiving Diatribe

Here in the Midwest, summer is officially over, Halloween is done and gone, the trees are bare, and it is dark at 5 p.m.  This is most certainly not my favorite part of the year.  I much prefer temperatures in the 80’s and sun until 9 p.m. over below zero temps and the cold, icy dark before even getting home from work.  Fortunately, there is a handy distraction that is called “the holiday season,” and it is well underway.  Mama Lanette and Alyssa JoJo always hit their true foodie personas and start planning the Thanksgiving meal at the stroke of midnight on November 1. (ring…ring…”Hello?”, “Oh my God, I got the new *insert food magazine title here* Thanksgiving Edition in the mail today!!”)  

This is OUR holiday.  Mama Lanette has been making a Thanksgiving Dinner for Alyssa JoJo since 1990, and before that, Mama Lanette’s mother, Grandma JoyJoy, prepared a splendid meal.  Being from Wisconsin, Thanksgiving has always been a fairly testosterone-free holiday, as Hunting Week is the week of Thanksgiving, and the men in the family were always up north deer hunting.  Although it was only my mother, my sister, and me at home, we always had a full blown Thanksgiving meal all the way down to polishing the silver and setting the china on the formal dining room table.  Thanksgiving is something we have never skimped on, and the tradition has been firmly implanted into Alyssa JoJo’s soul.

Today our Thanksgiving holidays are more fun than ever, as instead of two generations in the kitchen, there are now three, adding an extra element of family bonding and fun.  Each of us has a role in preparing the meal; Grandma JoyJoy cleans and does the nasty stuff to the turkey that causes Mama Lanette to start gagging and run from the room, prepares a pie or two, and gets some rolls rising to throw into the oven.  Alyssa JoJo makes her special green bean casserole (which is NOT your basic cream of mushroom soup and canned beans of the past) and does random tasks such as setting up the appetizer table and making sure it stays stocked with goodies.  Mama Lanette prepares side dishes and appetizers galore.  Mama Lanette’s sister brings desserts and appetizers, or whatever item seems to be missing from the menu.  The SOB even has a role in our day.  Some would say he has the most important role of all:  Liquor Store Trip Maker.

Testosterone is back with the introduction of boyfriends, in-laws, and SOB’s into the family.  A pre-dinner appetizer open house began a few years ago for family members and friends who have other obligations but still want to stop over and have a cocktail and snack.   It is a holiday that is open to anyone who wishes to make the journey, involving as many friends as family. It is a fun and relaxing day that ends with all of our butts and guts groaning due to the very large food babies firmly lodged in our stomachs, the added weight testing the support structure of the living room furniture.  To this date, no piece of furniture has ever broken under the increased stress of a Thanksgiving dinner in this house; however, I cannot say the same for my Auntie’s home at Christmas.  Almost every damn year a chair in her dining room breaks, and every year I exhale a sigh of relief that it wasn’t me. 

So, in case you haven’t figured it out yet, this is the official kickoff of the Feeding the Freaks…Thanksgiving Edition!  Join us this month as we share some of our most beloved recipes of the past, and newer recipes that we have researched and/or created just for you!  It is going to be a month full of history and history in the making, so stay tuned fellow freaks!  You won’t regret it!   <3 Mama Lanette

Yummy Mummies

So, Mama Lanette had a Halloween Potluck at her day job today, which required a lot of extra thinking and creativity.  After all, the Feeder of the Freaks cannot show up at her Halloween Potluck with just any old thing!  I have a reputation now, and I must live up to it…(tapping pencil) what to do…what to do???

Being the Midwestern, raised-on-beer-with-a-frighteningly-high-alcohol-tolerance, good-time gal that I am, the first thought that came to mind was Caramel Apple Jello Shots.  Sounds delish, but alcohol at the work place is somewhat discouraged (watch for this recipe in the very near future, though).  Peanut butter eyeballs?  Eh, been there, done that.  After days and days of ruminating and pondering, a black light bulb suddenly popped on over my head!  Mummy bread!  If people can turn bread dough and fillings into stuffed braids, why can’t the braid also be altered to look like a bandaged up mummy?  Oh, the possibilities!!!  What to stuff them with?  Savory or sweet?  Fruity or chocolate?  Meat filled or (oh, the horror!) vegetable filled?

Well, as Mama Lanette does when faced with indecision, she sighs, takes a very deep breath, blindly dives in, makes many of each, and hopes for the best. The end result?  A delicious Apple Yummy Mummy and a Pizza Yummy Mummy; both of which were well received at the potluck, and formally named Yummy Mummies.  The Pizza Yummy Mummy won favor hands down, though.  (The SOB ate an entire Pizza Yummy Mummy the evening before while Mama Lanette was experimenting.)  The Pizza Yummy Mummy disappeared from the potluck table in 10 minutes flat, which is something spectacular because the people I work with can make some REALLY TASTY FOOD.  The Apple Yummy Mummy, while delicious, was surrounded by several competing delectable desserts, so there was a bit of that one left.  Finding the lucky recipient to take the remainder home was a fairly simple task, however.  I really didn’t want to bring it home, as I’m still recovering from the Minnesota State Fair Feeding Frenzy of 2012.

Once the technique of the dough is grasped, the number of Yummy Mummies flavor possiblities is endless.  They can virtually be stuffed with anything you would want on a pastry, pizza, taco, etc.  Anything that tastes yummo on top of bread is just as delish inside of bread.  It can be as simple or as complicated as you choose to make it.  Make your own dough, buy frozen bread dough, or use cans of poppin’ fresh refrigerated dough.  Whatever kind of dough you use, the end result is going to be one heck of a yummy mummy!  Below are the recipes for the two I made and brought to work; however, BE CREATIVE, fellow freaks!  If you keep listening to what I tell you to do and follow my advice blindly, I may just develop a superiority complex, and trust you me…nobody who knows me wants that to happen…ever.

Apple Pie Yummy Mummy Ingredients (makes 1)

1 pound frozen bread dough, thawed (I used Rhodes brand sweet bread dough)

1 can apple pie filling

Powdered sugar for dusting

Two eye shaped things, like chocolate chips, toasted almonds, maraschino cherries, etc.

Egg white

Pizza Yummy Mummy Ingredients (makes 1)

1 pound frozen bread or pizza dough, thawed (I used Rhodes brand pizza dough)

½ to 1 cup pizza sauce, depending on how well you like pizza sauce (I’m a saucy kinda gal)

½ pound hot Italian Sausage, browned and crumbled

½ package sliced pepperoni, or 1 diced pepperoni link (comes in a package of 2 links, but they last a long time, so don’t worry about the extra going bad…or just make two of the damn things, for crying out loud.

½ pound mozzarella cheese, shredded or very thinly sliced.  To make things even easier, go yet yourself a package of preshredded mozzarella.  They come in conveniently premeasured 8 ounce bags, which coincidently equals ½ pound.

1 black or Kalamata olive, sliced lengthwise

Egg white

For any mummy you choose to make, the assembly and baking steps are the same.  First of all, if using frozen, thaw your bread dough and let rise until doubled.  Punch that bitch down and roll it out into a rectangular shape, about the size of a cookie sheet.  If using the canned refrigerated dough, simply pop the can open and roll or use hands to shape to size.  Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Once dough is rolled out into its rectangular shape, spread filling(s) down the center lengthwise, about 1/3 the width of the dough itself (take a deep breath, I have photos, okay?)

Decide which end is going to be the mummy head, and about 3 inches down the side from that, use a paring knife and cut 6 diagonal slits (about 1 inch wide each) down each side of the mummy dough.  Leave about 2-3 inches at the “feet” end if possible.

Wrap the sides of the head end in first, then fold over the top flap.  After that, carefully criss-cross the slits across the top of the mummy, pinching seams as you go.  When you get to the foot end, fold ends the same as with the head end.  Using your hands, carefully mold into a more mummy like shape, indenting at the head and feet ends. 

Once you are done shaping and pinching seams in the dough, brush with egg white.  Yes, I realize many of you freaks have no idea how to separate an egg, much less own a basting brush for anything other than BBQ’ing, so you can skip this step if you must,  but try to at least brush the Yummy Mummy with some melted butter or give it a shot with some nonstick cooking spray.  It gives a nice color to the finished product and promotes browning, okay?  After brushing or spraying, place two chosen objects (olives, cherries, almonds, etc.) on the head area for eyes.  

Place into the preheated oven and bake for approximately 30 minutes, less or more depending on how browned you like your bread.

After removing from oven, dust with powdered sugar, sprinkle with parmesan cheese, or whatever you feel like doing to make it more decorative and mummy looking.

Lessons learned/tips/tricks/ideas:

Make sure your dough is pinched tight before brushing with the egg white or basting with butter/oil.  I made a Yummy Mummy that had cream cheese and raspberry filling, brushed it with the egg while there were still gaps, and the thing came out of the oven looking like a Frankenstein’s zombie monster/weird alien worm thing.  Seriously…it was embarrassing.

I think Mexican flavors would really do this justice.  I envision Yummy Mummies filled with salsa, cheese, beans/chicken/taco beef, olives, etc.  Take that Taco Bell and your sadistic, yet delicious, Doritos Locos Taco!

How cool would this look as a Christmas tree?  Yep, already making plans….

An End to End a Season:

So, sadly, another Halloween season has come to an end.  I know you are all very concerned and wondering, what does that mean?  How will that affect Feeding the Freaks? Should I be worried?  Well, fellow freaks, Mama Lanette and Alyssa JoJo have only three words…Thanksgiving and Christmas!  Woot woot!  Join us in November for TG delights galore, and in December for all sort of ideas for parties and family gatherings.  We have stacks and stacks of food magazines, along with the world wide web to surf, and we will do our best to find/create the finest and freakiest holiday creations for you to share with your loved ones.

Next week, fellow freaks!  <3  Mama Lanette